...a synaptic connection [the point at which nerve impulses pass from one neuron to another]...
...neurons communicate with each other through propagating an electrical impulse along their extended projections, their dendrites. When they get to the synaptic connection, which is the connection to the next neuron, they cause a secretion of a chemical into the synaptic space which bridges between the projecting and the receiving neuron and propagates this nerve impulse. It's like a computer or a telephone system, and the neurotransmitters serve as the chemical which mediates the transmission of impulses. Dopamine is one of these, and it serves a variety of functions which mediate activities that can be disturbed in such conditions like schizophrenia or attention deficit disorder.
They're relevant to addictions also because every form of substance that is abused, from nicotine in cigarettes to alcohol to cocaine or heroin, when people take these substances the reward system which reinforces the sensation that people get by them happens to involve the use of dopamine as the neurotransmitter.


Experts point out that growing prison populations are largely the result of the failed "war on drugs" in the U.S., in addition to "get tough on crime" policies advocated by many Republicans and some Democrats at the state and federal levels, particularly in the 1980s and 1990s.

 An estimated two million people are behind bars in the U.S., making up a staggering 25 percent of the world's prisoners. The chief reason for the increase since the 1980s has been the influx of low-level offenders, particularly drug offenders.

...law is rooted in the western understanding of the nature of law. It is the same firm foundation upon which the American founders grounded their insistence that there are inalienable rights, endowed upon us all by a Creator, which cannot be taken away by any civil government. Positive law must reflect the Natural Law or it is unjust.
Saint Augustine said of an unjust law, "For it seems to me that an unjust law is no law at all." Saint Thomas Aquinas explained, "Human law is law only in virtue of its accordance with right reason: and thus it is manifest that it flows from the eternal law. And in so far as it deviates from right reason it is called an unjust law; in such case it is no law at all, but rather a species of violence." In doing so, they echoed Cicero, Aristotle and Plato and the entire Natural Law Tradition.
Martin Luther King, Jr., in his 1963 Letter from a Birmingham Jail, gave a this explanation of how one determines whether a law is unjust, "How does one determine whether a law is just or unjust? A just law is a man-made code that squares with the moral law or the law of God. An unjust law is a code that is out of harmony with the moral law."


          "...most of us are compelled to distill truth from a farrago of bewildering propaganda heaped upon us by our "free" press, lying media, and less than moral government. The result thus far has been a devastating development of a bogus democracy and creeping enslavement of an industrious people who thinks it is actually free.
This is not the accidental consequence of historical evolution, but instead an astonishingly well executed, extremely complex, fundamentally malicious plan aimed at enslaving all human beings on earth, a very strictly held secret, genteel tyranny by, and for, the benefit of what Toynbee called a universal state. It is most likely cabalistic in form, character, and behavior, and unlike any of the secret societies and cults, the essence of which some of the public believe they understand."    -Jack Kevorkian

 "For nothing is more destructive of respect for the government and the law of the land than passing laws which cannot be enforced."    -A. Einstein

       "...I have expressed an opinion on public issues whenever they appeared to me so bad and unfortunate that silence would have made me feel guilty of complicity....In talking about human rights today, we are referring primarily to the following demands: protection of the individual against arbitrary infringement by other individuals or by the government....There is, however, one other human right which is infrequently mentioned but which seems destined to become very important: that is the right or the duty, of the individual to abstain from cooperating in activities which he considers wrong or pernicious....The Nuremberg trial of the German war criminals was tacitly based on the recognition of the principle that criminal actions cannot be excused if committed on government orders; conscience supersedes the law of the state."  -A. Einstein

       "...For apart from the knowledge which is offered by accumulated experience and from the rules of logical thinking, there exists in principle for the man in science no authority whose decisions and statements could have in themselves a claim to 'truth'."  -A. Einstein



what was this about again?

        Things are becoming tense around here. Consciousness feels like a curse at times. The 3rd leading death among teenagers is suicide. The average teenager sends and recieves 3300 text messages per day. Depression is rampant among 15 to 44 year olds. The most frequent activity Americans engage in daily involves a digital device. we must cultivate community and i must gather mine. We are brothers and sisters on this planet, here to make the world a better place-but only a fraction of our brains know that. Do you ever just witness yourself, stepping outside of your own body? Humans are strange creatures. 50 trillion molecular geniuses make each of our bodies our own, and the Astral space knows at once that ourselves are not our own. We are all like walking schitzophrenics and multiplied personas, each voice verbalizing harsh contradictions, each want and each belief a conflicting paradigm...
       And what of a thing of ethereal beauty? An embodiment of reflected light from some central core in a meticulous biochemically-constructed, physically manifested form-a beauty so tedious it could not be made by chance or effort. A sub-second span of an electromagnetic response, over which we have no control, to a stimuli, over which can never be contrived. False beauty is deceptive only to lesser men, just as real beauty is often overlooked. The wise and worthy men however, will not be distracted by the vainly conceived, but will be a moth to the flame when confounded by one eternal vision of truth condensed.



          i just got a message. one of my dearest friends is in emergency i.c.u. he reads my blog. i don't know who i'm writing to now. he is a beautiful soul. he is also a terribly afflicted drug addict/alcoholic, and i have known many- myself included. he had a good little sober run here this past month or so until last night, his brother picked him up off the downtown streets again and took him home. he was wasted. i slept through a phone call at around 3:30am, it was his brother needing my help. He drank a toxic household chemical and was taken to the hospital. He became violent toward hospital security and was put in lockdown. his brother stayed with him until 8:30 this morning, until he said he had to just let him go. he was still incoherent, he was verbally slow, and hallucinating. i love him and am at a loss for words but i feel like i need to get something out of me.
          he knows me better than most and has seen all points of the vast eternal spectrum that is me. he has it too. i don't know what this life is or what it is for or what is the point, but i know something of suffering. i know suffering like most could never dream. people look at the life i have lived saying, "i would never live that way", and i respond, "you could never live that way". and this guy...this guy knows suffering like most could never dream and he is still alive, on this earth, in an emergency lockdown ward. maybe it would be a blessing. his mother prays for god to 'take him' if he can't find peace. those are intense words for a mother to utter, the most inconcievable of pain. he began his round of treatment centers and halfway houses and homelessness as a teenager, he was released from a 20 year stint in prison only a year and a half ago. we exchanged letters, i visited him once. he used to carry his rosary with him where ever he went. until it broke into 3 pieces without explanation. he just got out in the summer of '10. since then the gamut of rehabs, halfway houses, and jail cells have been run through multiple times over. finally we got him back for some weeks of health and laughing and brilliance of spirit, and now he's gone again, shrouded in a darkness he cannot see through and which casts illusions and shadows upon all he percieves. my heart breaks for him, my heart breaks for his family, my heart breaks for myself and us all. i have been completely sober for almost 9 months now and i need help with what the fuck are we doing here? I never was spiritually devout until it became my only way out of the place in which i found myself time and time again, a creature of this earthly hell. For me, my moment of clarity was a direct confrontation with my 2 unavoidable truths: an abysmal screeching death at my own hands or the offering of grace from something other-worldly. i just felt it, i knew it, i could see it. i was gifted with vision, a death by self or the death of self. We all have this choice, most just haven't been broken enough to crack yet- that's how the light gets in i guess...this incarnation of self is pained inexplicably at this moment...this fire...this thing in my chest...         
        Great Spirit of Grace, please grant mercy for this human soul and the like. Amen.


There is a man existing in this world...

...his name is Dawson Gray. I believe him to be in the Southeast of this nation. I need to find him before it's too late.

He was my father's best friend. My father has been dead almost 21 years. He shot himself in his bedroom. I was maybe 10 yards away. Not many people could know him like Dawson did. They had been best friends since college and Dawson never turned his back on what was too scary for most to continue to face. I have been obsessed with my father in some form for my entire life. Whether it be the hating of him and wishing him dead,or the compassion and sorrow and longing for him after i got my wish. Silly me, always wanting what i don't have. If we are alive then i want us dead. If we are closing in on death then i want us alive. I fall in love with death wishes and death wishes fall in love with me- some ancient suicide pact that has been assigned by the angels to be fulfilled. It is manifested in a subconcious psychic attraction.They think i must be the love of their life, the perfect one that they never thought they'd find. A whisper from God telling them, "You must know her", with that look in their eyes as though they have known and loved me their whole life, never having met me. All they know is there was an electromagnetic pull and this is where it pulled them. I know that they think it is about me. I also know that it is really about them and their demons who incessantly demand that they continue to fulfill the fatal steps to the dance that has been their life and make me a part of it, cause i dance the same steps. We laugh all the way to the cemetery gates.
       As much as i still love death wishes, i am hearing different music lately and i am learning a different dance.
God please help me today. Please grace my soul another day with your light that i may be useful to all of us in the name of illumination and Love. Please help me with inner peace that i may use that state of grace to be free to help others and show them your light. Take my will today and direct my thinking and my steps that we may march in unison in the battle of evermore, and dispell that which may be harmful and corrosive to our spirits so that our lives are nothing but a bearing witness to your power, your love, and your way of life. Amen.


how was your day?

I had a day of waking-
   panicked, helpless
Late as always
Laced with fear and Awe
    and sorrow and dread
It whispered of need, of craving
     a gnawing
The pull ever slight
     and equally glaring

I had a day
of an ancient unrest
Like the feeling of a very old dream
     that i never really had
A magnetic draw that speaks 
 of some longing unfulfilled
     or some doom impending
There is something i have to face

I had a day
of confusion and fear
    of resisting and avoiding
This knot in my chest
     i have been speaking of for months
I want to just burrow in my cave
dark with candlelight
     and put it to rest
Of wanting of wanting of wanting

When i close my eyes
      I see red
Then yellow,
      a red vapor surrounding it
When focused on,
     the density is maintained
And shades of green begin seeping through
Do other people do this i wonder
And i wander without aim
I often drift
I never know what i am doing
I never know what to do

I had a day
Like any other